| I somehow love the cynical thoughts of Cioran than the optimistic fodder of motivational morons. EM Corian, the Romanian Philosopher, is perhaps the most pessimistic writer who lures the reader with his iconoclastic thoughts about everything- life, Gods, religion, society and culture. His writings is like that of someone possessed; subversive, demoniacal, anti-inspirational, feverish and finally enchanting. I just finished reading his book, ” All Gall is Divided: The Aphorisms of a Legendary Iconoclast”. Here are some quotes I loved. “Everything must be revised, even sobs …” “To be bored is to guzzle time” “A monk and a butcher fight it out within each desire.” “Between Ennui and Ecstasy unwinds our whole experience of time.” “In a world without melancholy, nightingales would belch.” “The flesh is incompatible with charity: orgasm transforms the saint into a wolf” “Music is the refuge of souls wounded by happiness.” “I am like a broken puppet whose eyes have fallen inside.” This remark of a mental patient weighs more heavily than a whole stack of works of introspection.” “Our sadnesses prolong the mystery sketched by the mummies’ smile.” “Many times I have sought refuge in that lumber room which is Heaven, many times I have yielded to the need to suffocate in God!” “Sooner or later, each desire must encounter its lassitude: its truth …” “Compel men to lie down for days on end: couches would succeed where wars and slogans have failed. For the operations of Ennui exceed in effectiveness those of weapons and ideologies.” “We rarely meditate in a standing position, still less walking. It is from our insistence on maintaining the vertical that Action is born; hence, to protest its misdeeds, we ought to imitate the posture of corpses.” “We rarely meditate in a standing position, still less walking. It is from our insistence on maintaining the vertical that Action is born; hence, to protest its misdeeds, we ought to imitate the posture of corpses.” “Nothing reveals the vulgar man better than his refusal to be disappointed.” “Without God, everything is nothingness; and God? Supreme nothingness.” “The best way of distancing ourselves from others is to invite them to delight in our defeats; afterward, we are sure to hate them for the rest of our days.” “Every action flatters the hyena within us.” “A man’s secret coincides with the sufferings he craves.” “For two thousand years, Jesus has revenged himself on us for not having died on a sofa.” “Only erotic natures sacrifice to boredom, disappointed in advance by love.” “A monk and a butcher fight it out within each desire.” “Each of us shuts himself up in his fear — his ivory tower.” “Each day is a Rubicon in which I aspire to be drowned”  |
Author: PGR Nair
A chemical engineer dabbling in poetry, literature, Classical music, World Cinema and everything that enchants heart and mind.
THE OAK AND THE LINDEN
THE OAK AND THE LINDEN
There was once a good old couple who lived in a little cottage upon a hilltop. Baucis and Philemon were their names, and, although they were very poor, they tended their bees, and pruned their grape vine, and milked their one cow, and were happy from morning till night. For they loved each other dearly, and they were ready to share whatever they had with any one in need.
At the foot of the hill lay a beautiful village, with pleasant roads, and rich pasture lands all about it; but it was full of wicked, selfish people, who had no love in their hearts, and thought only of themselves.
One evening, as Baucis and Philemon sat in their cottage door, they saw two strangers coming slowly up the hill. There was a great noise of shouting, and the barking of the dogs from the village, for the people were following the strangers, and jeering at them because they were footsore, and ragged, and weary.
“Let us go to meet them,” cried old Baucis, “and ask them to share our supper, and stay with us for the night.”
So Baucis and Philemon brought the strangers, who were quite faint for food, to their cottage, and they spread before them all that they had, which was very little—a half a loaf of brown bread, a tiny bit of honey from their own hives, and a pitcher of milk. The pitcher was only partly full, and when Philemon had filled two bowls for the strangers, there was but a drop left.
The strangers ate as if they had never tasted anything as good, although the supper was exceedingly small.
“More of this delicious milk, Philemon!” cried one of the strangers, and, as Philemon took the pitcher to drain the last drop into the bowl, a wonderful fountain of milk burst forth from the bottom of the pitcher, so that the more she poured the more there remained.
And it was so with the loaf, which stayed always the same size, although the two strangers cut slice after slice, praising Philemon for its sweetness and lightness. The honey grew the color of gold, and sweeter each minute; and the single, tiny bunch of grapes grew to a bunch of such size that the strangers were not able to eat it, and the grapes filled all the cottage with their wonderful fragrance.
“These are strange travelers!” whispered the old couple to each other, “who are able to do such marvellous things.”
That night Baucis and Philemon slept upon the floor, that the strangers might have their bed; and in the morning they went to the edge of the hill to see the strangers safely started on their homeward way.
“The villagers are thoughtless and rude,” said Baucis. “I hope they may not torment you again, good sirs.”
But the strangers smiled, and pointed to the foot of the hill. There was no village there. Where it had stood a blue lake rippled, covering, with its clear waters, the houses and the trees. Baucis and Philemon rubbed their eyes in wonder.
“People with no love in their hearts shall not live upon the earth,” said the strangers. “As for you, my good people, we thank you; and whatever you wish for most, that shall be given you.”
As they spoke, the strangers vanished from sight, like mist in the morning sky; and Baucis and Philemon turned to see that their tiny cottage had disappeared also, and in its place stood a tall, white marble palace, with a beautiful park all about.
So the old couple went in, and they lived in their palace a great, great while, taking good care of their wonderful pitcher. No one ever passed their door without having a drink from the bubbling fountain of milk, and Baucis and Philemon were so happy doing good deeds for others that they never thought of wishing for anything for themselves.
But, after years and years had passed they grew very old.
“I wish we might never die, but could always stay together!” said Baucis, one day, to Philemon.
The next morning, where the tall marble palace had stood, there was nothing save a few stones with the moss growing over them; Philemon and Baucis were gone; but there, on the hilltop, stood two beautiful trees—an oak tree and a linden—with their branches all twined and twisted together.
“I am old Baucis!” whispered the oak.
“I am Philemon!” sighed the linden—and there they stand to-day, quite close to each other, and always ready to spread their leafy shade over every tired stranger who chances to climb the hill.
…………………………………………………………………………………………….
You may now read the beautiful lines from a famous poem titled “Letter of Testimony” by Octavio Paz as it extols the creative power of love.
Coda
Perhaps to love is to learn
to walk through this world.
To learn to be silent
like the oak and the linden of the fable.
To learn to see.
Your glance scattered seeds.
It planted a tree.
I talk
because you shake its leaves.
(Translated by Eliot Weinberger)
The first few phrases of the poem are a sort of definition (if such a thing were possible) of love; like any great poet, Paz presents a wholly new way of looking at his subject. I especially like the line “to love… is to learn to be silent” – it conveys a truth lost in many more verbose descriptions of the emotion.
The silence of the forest (“the oak and the linden of the fable”) leads naturally into the analogy of the second half:”Your glance scattered seeds / It planted a tree”. Again, the metaphor is neither forced nor is it taken too far; the final line comes as a natural (and beautiful) conclusion to the whole.
Notice how the rather abstract infinitives with which ‘Coda’ starts (to love, to learn, to walk, to see, to be silent) give way to more concrete actions later on – ‘scattered’, ‘planted’, ‘talk’ and ‘shake’. The result is to move the poem from the general to the specific: from a discussion of ‘Love’ as an abstract concept, to words and sentences addressed directly to the poet’s beloved. This is a fairly common poetic device, but one no less pleasing for that; I like the delicate and unobtrusive skill with which it’s done in this poem.
Octavio Paz (my favorite poet) was the foremost Mexican poet of the 20th century. He won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1990. He was also the former Mexican Ambassador to India. I had featured earlier two of his works, “The Blue Bouquet” and “January First” .
Ref: The collected poems of Octavio Paz, 1957-1987 By Octavio Paz, Eliot Weinberger (Page 635)
STAY IN TOUCH
STAY IN TOUCH
One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is the gift of your attention.
Relationships have many levels and depths. You have family members whom you see and talk to on a daily basis, best friends whom you talk to and see on a regular basis, other friends and acquaintances, who colour your mindscape, but with whom you may not have spoken to for a long time. Sometimes when you zoom in on a hazy face, you are flooded with pleasurable memories and you wish you had been in touch with the person. The passage of time may have diminished the prospect of reconnecting, but it will not have corroded your string of connection. Staying in touch would have kept that wonderful relationship alive.
My wife Raji has this story to share:
“During my school days, my father was posted in Mazagaon Dock, Mumbai and we lived in Matunga. My best friend Laxmi, stayed next door to us. Our families were pretty close and we spent many wonderful years together. Later, my father was transferred to Cochin Shipyard and finally we settled in Cochin. With the passage of time and the entanglements of life, we lost touch with them, though whenever we remembered them we did so with a smile in our heart. Recently my father was at a bank, talking to the manager, when a lady standing nearby kept on staring at him quizzically. Dad was perplexed and asked her whether she thought she knew him. The lady broke into tears and said that she was Laxmi. Their family too had moved to Cochin. Being aware that we were in Cochin, they had tried to get our address in vain. They had wanted to meet us but were unsuccessful in their efforts. Her mother had been terminally ill for the past three years and had passed away the previous month. She had always been talking about my mother and wanted to meet her. My dad was shocked. Sadness overwhelmed him. If only we had remained in touch”’
Everyone has a vast network, and yet some people’s networks are largely dormant, while others maintain an active one. It is important that you call your friends and associates occasionally for no particular reason other than to say ‘hi’ and let them know that you’ve been thinking of them. This evokes a sense of happiness in them.
Sometimes, one of your friends may be facing a depression or dilemma or a crisis. All you need to do is contact them and make yourself available as a resource. I know the case of a person who was on the verge of suicide and abandoned it just because a minute before his final mission, a call from a classmate brought ineffable joy in him.
Letting someone know that you are available can mean a lot. People often may not know what to ask for, but with good listening and asking skills you may find out enough to know what to offer. Support assumes different forms ‘ a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or an ear that listens. Keeping in touch helps reduce the tension and burden of others.
We come across many new faces in our day to day life. A natural rapport or a sense of connection with some of them is also common. You may be left with the feeling that you want to know the person better. All it takes is a telephone call to establish the camaraderie. This can then be cultivated only by staying in touch through regular communication.
We are in this ‘Sulekha’ blogworld for quite some time. Yet how many of us are in regular touch with each other and send at least a note when a blogger is not seen active for some time? I was indeed elated by the amazing enthusiasm of some bloggers in chronicling their get-together while attending the marriage of purefriend’s daughter in Coimbatore. I consider it as an exhilarating episode in this virtual realm. How many of us take pains to keep in touch? Staying in touch shows that we care. When we do a good job of staying in touch, we ensure that our current network will be part of our future network, our lifetime network.
Dear Bloggers, Build your network-past, present and future. Don’t be shortsighted or caught up in immediate gratification. Building a support system over a lifetime creates phenomenal results and an incredible sense of joy and fulfillment. Commit yourself to staying in touch. Cultivate the culture of connecting, reconnecting and solidifying your resting relationships.
Let this day of resurrection be a day to resurrect your dormant relationships. Let this be your Easter thoughts.
It is never too late. Your friends are just a phone call, an e-mail, or a doorbell away.
Vishu: The Festival of Memories
Vishu is a festival of nostalgic memories and they are invariably associated with my childhood . It reminds me of the sights, sounds and smells of my soil. It renews my roots and identity. Those memories are as golden as the ‘Kani Konna flower’ (flower of cassia fistula tree). ‘Vishu’ is one triumphant occasion when children’s aspirations to become rich are richly rewarded. The ‘Vishukaineettom’ (Handsel or token money given as a blessing by elders to all younger ones in the family) literally portrays prosperity that this festival rightly proclaims. Children feel honored everywhere and for once, in money matters, the elders are at the giving end on this day.
April is the month when Konna trees flower all over Kerala reminding one of the Sakura season (Cherry blossom) in Japan. There is a myth linking Konna flower with Lord Srikrishna. When Krishna was a boy, Gopikas came to see him and gifted him a golden girdle. While he was wearing and enjoying the beauty of it, his mother Yashoda came and saw it . Out of motherly jealousy, she broke the girdle and threw it away and it landed on a Konna tree which at the touch of the gold bloomed in gorgeous golden hues flooding its branches with Konna flowers.
‘Vishu’ in Sanskrit means ‘equal’ or when day becomes equal to night, possibly denoting the equinox when this festival originated. The Malayalam New year as per solar calendar is celebrated around 14th or 15th of April every year. The first of day of Malayalam year (as per older tradition) or Medam 1st falls on one of these days when the sun transits to the zodiac sign Aries (Medam). Sun enters Mesha, which is the Lagna or the birth sign of Kaal Purusha, the personification of ‘Time’, which we experience due to the movement of sun (Now, it is the movement of earth!) and its resultant effect of “Dishas”, four sides and division of space, Varna or colors painted on vegetations by sunlight, Rasas or the secretions or juices filled in plants (and animals feeding on them) due to climatic seasons ( Rithus). Sun is the source for the diversity of life and cyclic nature of earthly processes. There is a belief that Lord Brahma chose ‘Vishu’ day as the right day for creation. Incidentally Vishu concides with many other festivals in India like ‘Gudi Padva’, ‘Bihu’, ‘Ugadhi’, ‘Baisakhi’ etc. Vishu also marks the beginning of sowing season in Kerala.
As children our preparations for Vishu used to start a month before the festival. I open my piggy bank on the eve of ‘Vishu’. If there is a shortfall in my Vishu budget, my strategy had been to beg, borrow or steal. The main objective was to find resources to muster enough fire power by acquiring the maximum ‘padakkam’ (Crackers). The more the crackers that you can gather, the more prosperous your Vishu is. The testing of samplers starts on the eve when the dusk sets in and it progresses till 10 PM reserving the fiery ones for launch at 5 AM on the Vishu dawn after the auspicious ritual of ‘Vishu Kani Kanal’ (The ritual of seeing items that symbolize prosperity as the first thing in the morning).
My mother used to set ‘Kani’ early in the night. It is arranged in a large ‘Uruli’ (a bell metal cookware with wide base and wide mouth). This sparingly used ‘Uruli’ will be scrupulously scrubbed to sparkle like gold on the eve of Vishu. The offerings placed inside it will include a layer of Raw rice , clean cloth, mellow mango, halved jack Fruit, golden cucumber, plum pumpkin, coconut, betel leaves and areca nut, shining currency and coins, gold, ‘Valkkannadi’ (a special mirror with a tail made of bronze. The place Aranmula is world famous for this mirror), a book and last but not least a bunch of fresh and luxuriant ‘Kanikonna’ flowers. A small idol of lord Krishna is placed in front of it with a bell metal lamp set ready for lighting with a match box placed nearby.
Mother would be the first one to wake up at dawn to have the first vision of Vishu. She will grope in the darkness to locate the match box and finally lights the lamp with closed eyes and then sees the Kani and prays and prostrates in front of it. She then wakes up everyone in the family and brings them one by one to the place where the ‘Kani’ has been set with their eyes blindfolded with her hands and let them see the idol and the offerings. This momentous and resplendent ritual of seeing the offerings along with the Lord as the first thing in the morning is called ‘Vishukani’ and it still makes my eyes misty. This propitious ‘seeing ceremony’ is a harbinger of health, happiness, peace and prosperity and sets the tone for the year ahead. The oldies then sit to read the ‘Vishubhalam’ (The astrological predictions for the year following Vishu) .
The moment the ‘Kani’ business is over, we await for the elders to bless us with ‘Vishukkaineettom’ (Handsel). Our respect to elders rocketed in proportion to the money we were gifted as blessings.
After getting the ‘Vishukkaineettom’, we would rush to resume the fireworks and to display our prime pyrotechnics to the neighborhood children only to incite their jealousy. The other rituals of bath, donning new dress, visiting temple will then follow. The finale comes with savoring the elegant Vishu ‘Sadhya’ (feast) with elders and relatives.
Distance, time and era may have diminished the dazzle of festivities. But it has in no way diminished my spirit that soars high on every Vishu. Vishu is our ‘Thanks giving day’, revering the earth and her bounty and reminding ourselves of our blessings.
The sight of golden hues and silky softness of konnapoo (Konna flower) continues to permeate peace and happiness. Surely, the melody of Vishu is not a vanishing one.
Short short stories of Lydia Davis
Lydia Davis is the most important short American story writer I have come across after Raymond Carver. I love her stories’. Here are three samples of her flash fiction, some of her very short short stories in her collected stories. I pray one day she wins the Nobel.
A Different Man
“At night he was a different man. If she knew him as he was in the morning, at night she hardly recognized him: a pale man, a gray man, a man in a brown sweater, a man with dark eyes who kept his distance from her, who took offence, who was not reasonable. In the morning, he was a rosy king, gleaming, smooth-cheeked and smooth-chinned, fragrant with perfumed talc, coming out into the sunlight with a wide embrace in his royal red plaid robe…”
(Loved the way she concludes with a valediction of time passing, of a dwindling into cramped old age (night is used as metaphor for old age and morning for his youth), but then in an act of ironically sentimental romantic retrospection, she delivers a final flurry—with the ever-present participles “gleaming” and “coming out into the sunlight” animating and glamorizing a last sentence that ends not with a period but with an ellipsis springing hope eternal.)
The Outing
An outburst of anger near the road, a refusal to speak on the path, a silence in the pine woods, a silence across the old railroad bridge, an attempt to be friendly in the water, a refusal to end the argument on the flat stones, a cry of anger on the steep bank of dirt, a weeping among the bushes.
(I like “The Outing” because it’s the skeleton of a story, poking fun at the notion of “what happens”—and yet still creates a powerful sense of what indeed happened.)
Fear
Nearly every morning, a certain woman in our community comes running out of her house with her face white and her overcoat flapping wildly. She cries out, “Emergency, emergency,” and one of us runs to her and holds her until her fears are calmed. We know she is making it up; nothing has really happened to her. But we understand, because there is hardly one of us who has not been moved at some time to do just what she has done, and every time, it has taken all our strength, and even the strength of our friends and families too, to quiet us.
(This one portrays anxiety, the kind of irrational fear that rises right to the surface, breaking through the comforting repetition of certain phrases and words. In the last sentence of the story the narrator says that each of the neighbors have thought about running out their homes and screaming just as the woman does, but they never do because they have friends and family that keep them under control. .This one gives a deep drink of what can and cannot be known, of the relative success and failure of sympathy with other people, of need that enables comfort and comfort that disguises need.)
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CLUES TO QUALITY CONVERSATIONS
The great historian and author Theodore Zeldin once said
“Conversation is a meeting of minds with different memories and habits. When minds meet, they don’t just exchange facts: they transform them, reshape them, draw different implications from them, engage in new trains of thought. Conversation doesn’t just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards.”
Effective conversation is an essential part in our relations with other people. It has helped many to create new cards in their personal or professional life. Good talk gets a lot of relationships started. The discovery of common interests, experiences, values and dreams through conversation have fueled many new relationships. It has convinced several couples to take the plunge into commitment to build a successful life together.
The quality and effectiveness of our business skills as well as our social skills in personal relations is also highly determined by the way conversations are carried on. Watching ‘Larry King show’ or BBC’s ‘Hard Talk’ can instruct us the intricacies of this lively art.
Making conversation with someone you have just met doesn’t have to be awkward or difficult. Whether you are in a professional or social setting, the key is to ask engaging questions… pay attention to what the other person is saying… and respond to what’s being said to keep the conversation going
In today’s business world, we will be involved in many conversations with clients, suppliers, authorities, community leaders, etc. Making a good and positive impact on them requires some conversational skills that can and should be learned.
As Francis Bacon rightly said-“Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man”. Here are some conversation techniques that will help us to be a ‘ready man’ in effectively communicating with others. These conversation techniques will make us much stronger in communicating with others. They will also help us to see and to know the humanity in other people and empathize their needs.
• Break the ice with a warm topic.
Saying a warm Hello is a great starter. Open with a cliché and don’t worry that it might sound dull. Clichés are terrific conversation starters, because they are subjects to which everyone can relate.
You cannot go wrong if you pick topics like the weather, sports, politics, movies or any subject that interests most people.
• Ask Open-ended questions
Philosopher Montaigne once said “There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” The goal of conversation is to get more specific and better-refined information. To do so, you will have to ask questions that will help you to uncover your counterpart’s needs and wants.
The thing that most people want to hear in a conversation is their own voice. You can use this to your advantage by asking opinion type questions. Leave the other person a way to elaborate. After you ask, shut up and listen. Open-ended questions are questions that open up the counterpart and give you the opportunity to continue the conversation. They can make you a hero. An example: “How do you feel about blogging….? What is your opinion about rescheduling meeting hours….?, Do you believe that….?. These are questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or a “no”. This type of question prompts discussion, because it can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. Since answers will be longer, you will have an opportunity to notice other things that are being said to keep the conversation going.
• Be a good Listener and show undivided attention
La Rochefoucauld, the wry French philosopher who wrote the book ‘Maxim’ said – “The extreme pleasure we take in talking of ourselves should make us fear that we give very little to those who listen to us.”
Statistics indicate that the normal, untrained listener is likely to understand and retain only about 50 percent of a conversation. This relatively poor percentage drops to an even less impressive 25 percent retention rate 48 hours later. This means that recall of particular conversations will usually be inaccurate and incomplete.
Many communication problems are attributable to poor listening skills. When someone else is speaking, most people spend that time planning what they themselves are going to say next. This is not only impolite; it can cause you to miss important information.
Listening is just as important to good conversation as talking-maybe even more important. I have never met a good conversationalist who wasn’t a good listener … and I have never learned much while I was talking.
Instead of rehearsing your next clever line while the other person is talking, focus on your genuine response to what he is saying. Challenge yourself to come up with questions about the points the person has raised.
Listening is also a way to show respect for others. Your goal is to create a win/win outcome so that your counterpart will be willing to converse with you again. Thus, your counterpart needs to think you are a fair, honest, and a decent person. This will give him courage to open up further.
• Be interested and not lifeless
Conversation is like a tennis game. It needs two players who have to give and take. No game is fun if one player is lifeless or half-hearted about it. This is harder to do than most people realize. Let other people know that you are paying attention to what they are saying by making eye contact frequently. When there are people moving all about, it is easy to let your eyes drift around the room. But doing that gives the impression that you are looking for someone more interesting to talk to, or that what is being said is not holding your interest.
Let your gaze move from eye to eye. Pick out the person who hasn’t said much, who looks ill at ease, and make a special point of talking to him.
On the other hand, staring relentlessly into someone’s eyes will also make him uncomfortable. It is fine to take your eyes off the person briefly when it’s your turn to talk.
• Do not interrupt when your counterpart is speaking.
Interrupting a speaker is not a good business for two reasons. First, it is rude. Second, you may be cutting off valuable information that will help you at a later point. Even if your counterpart is saying something that is inaccurate; let him or her finish. Interruptions can frustrate the speaker and thrash his train of thoughts.
• Fight off distractions.
When you are conversing, try to create a situation in which you can think clearly and avoid interruptions. Interruptions and distractions tend to prevent conversation from proceeding smoothly or may even cause a setback. Switch off the TV and Music and look at the face of your counterpart. Employees, peers, children, animals, and phones can all distract you and force your eye off the goal. If you can, create a good listening environment.
• Be Tactful and Diplomatic.
Follow the old adage “Think before you speak” if you want your counterpart want to converse with you again. It is important not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult is to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
This won’t happen if you avoid offending his or her dignity. When we converse meaningfully, we are trying to exchange a relationship. If you want to react, attack the message and not your counterpart personally.
• Don’t get angry.
We have often seen some people even trying to hold another by the button or the hand in anger in order to be heard out. The truth is, if people are unwilling to hear you, you had better hold your tongue than them
When you become angry, your counterpart has gained control in triggering your response. In the angry mode, you are probably not in the best frame of mind to make the best decisions. Emotions of any kind hinder the listening process. Anger especially interferes with the problem solving process involved in good conversations. When you are angry, you tend to shut out your counterpart. Nothing lowers the level on conversation more than raising the voice.
If you are going to get angry, do it for the effect, but retain control of your emotions so you can keep control of the conversation. Remember Nikita Khrushchev, the president of USSR, who pounded his shoe on the table in the United Nations and the effect worked well for him.
• Be animated and alert to nonverbal clues.
What message are the eyes sending? What message is his or her nonverbal behavior sending? Many experienced conversationalists have found that with careful attention they can tell what their counterpart is really thinking and feeling. Is he or she lying or telling the truth? While the person’s verbal message may convey honesty and conviction, his or her gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice may convey doubt. Be animated while you talk. Avoiding eye contact may cause what you say to be taken as untruthful.
• Be Flexible
Topics change, and People, and moods. A good conversationalist change with them.
• Be cheerful, relaxed and good humored
Have a sincere, friendly smile on your face. Humor can be a wonderful humanizer in conversations. Good conversation is soothing and relaxing. Do not make it strained and stressful. Many can argue, not many converse. The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit. Remember, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge
• Learn to pause in conversation.
Pauses in conversation usually will cause the other person to speak. They will do so because the other person feels awkward and unnatural if you stop saying anything. This technique will cause the person to expand on what he has said or sometimes to recant or rephrase his statement. This is a very powerful tool of conversation. And, if you are in control of the conversation, you can make the pause as long as is necessary. You will also see when someone is using pauses on you.
• Avoid being dogmatic and insincere
Avoid generalizations such as “All politicians are corrupt”. Moderate your statement. Avoid ‘all’ and ‘always’. Swing over to ‘some’ and ‘sometimes’. Also be sincere in your comments and praising of others. Don’t overdo it
• Avert a verbal bashing
What some people do in conversation is batter one another with facts and theories gleaned from superficial readings of newspapers, magazines and digests. That will turn a dialogue into an intersecting monologue.
• Don’t Monopolize the Conversation
There is nothing that exasperates people more than a display of superior ability or brilliance in conversation. They seem pleased at the time, but their envy makes them curse the conversationalist in their heart. Conversation is the art of never seeming bored, of touching everything with interest, of pleasing with trifles, of being fascinating with nothing at all. It is a lively art of darting about with words, of hitting them back and forth, a sort of brief smile at ideas from everyone that makes a conversation memorable
• Develop a broad outlook
Good conversationalists keep to the subject, do not repeat themselves, and do not talk of themselves; such men do not listen to their own voice, are cultivated enough not to lose themselves in commonplaces, and possess tact and good taste enough not to elevate their own persons above their subjects. All the best talkers have this characteristic in common.
• Conclude a conversation gracefully.
Breaking away from a conversation is often more difficult that starting one. After bonding with someone, most people hesitate to interrupt when they need to move on because they feel it will hurt the other person’s feelings.
The fact is that there will come a point in any conversation when you have to end it-either to see other people or simply because you have run out of things to say. Making such a move doesn’t have to be hard. You just need a great excuse.
The key to leaving a great impression while leaving a conversation is to make the excuse in a polite, friendly and unapologetic way… and then leave.
Good Conversation
Finally, there are three things in conversation that ought to be considered before some things are spoken–the manner, the place and the time. He, who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and concludes when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites for carrying on a good conversation.
As Water Scott said “The pith of conversation does not consist in exhibiting your own superior knowledge on matters of small consequence, but in enlarging, improving and correcting the information you possess by the authority of others”
THE SEVEN C’S OF COMMUNICATION
THE SEVEN C’S OF COMMUNICATION
The terrain of Toastmasters has taught me some simple rules that any speaker should recognize before speaking to an audience. I thought of presenting it using the mnemonic of 7 C’s. They are as follows.
- Commitment
This is a usual problem with many speakers. You commit to a speech and finally procrastinate it or deliver a shoddy product. Both demonstrate lack of commitment. Good communicators commit to speech schedules, commit to time allocated and commit to the objectives of the speech. They demonstrate commitment to the responsibility assigned. They communicate ideas persuasively to elicit emotional commitment of the audience.
- Creativity
A creative speaker transforms a mundane subject matter into sublime. There is light and energy in every spoken word even when the topic he dwells on is dreary. The involving examples, stories, deviant narrative style, unconventional organizational techniques,illustrations, humor and surprising revelations, inducing drama and suspense, imparting vocal variety, using down-to-earth comparisons are some ways to induct magic in your speech. Whenever we speak, whether in Toastmasters or not, we sell ourselves. We sell our mannerisms, our style of thinking, our appearance, our emotions and our logic. There may be only seven notes in music, but their creativity is infinite.
- Clarity
This could be the most important asset of a good speaker. Good communicators present ideas clearly with no ambiguity in meaning. Avoid information overload. We live in a multi-tasking world. If you throw too much at a human brain, it shuts you off completely; it will absorb neither your content, nor your personality. Speaking requires focus. The hunter who chases two rabbits usually captures neither. Using double negative and ambiguous terminologies and jargons may sound bombastic in writing. But in speaking, they simply put the audience ears offline. Good communicators explain the most complex theories in lucid terms so that even a child can understand. They do it with appropriate pauses and vocal stress. Understanding every piece of information elevates the contentment of audience and boosts their self-esteem. It will also endorse the empathy of the speaker with the audience.
- Coherence
Coherence is the glue that holds together all the materials of a speech. All ideas should flow from the speaker in a logical pattern and should be connected by proper transitions. Speakers should avoid inconsistencies and should dwell on a theme rather than digressing with multiple thoughts or themes. Uncontrolled meandering from the subject of your talk projects a scattered image of your speech in the mind of the audience. Lack of focus, weak and vague language, loose connection of ideas and disjointed talk damages the objective and will not be savored by any audience
- Conciseness
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Conciseness or brevity is the art of making a point with minimum usage of words to give maximum impact. This should be our primary goal as tightening of a draft speech to the bare essentials glistens and cleans our speech imparting it with more power and punch. Good speakers cut, sift, and create speech structures they know will work. “Less is better than more” should be the cannon. Lincoln’s Gettysburg address had just 272 words. Never use three words when you can say it in two. Leave out clichés, junk and hackneyed words, such as “You know,” “OK,” and “All right.” Leave out phrases such as “Let me be honest,” or blunt, or frank. Avoid “In other words…” or “To say it another way…” Speak in short sentences, short phrases, and short words. Word choice should be instantly clear to an audience
- Correctness
All the information which a speaker presents should be carefully checked to verify its accuracy and authenticity. While mistakes are always possible, remember that any serious errors will undermine your believability. Correctness of language ensures that attention will be directed toward what the speaker says, not how it is said. Proper use of grammar and correct pronunciation will show that the speaker is the master of the words being used.
- Credibility
Aristotle mentions in his “Rhetoric” that credibility is the most important part of the process and without it nothing else mattered. A lawyer talking about “How to prevent a heart attack” has less credibility than a cardiologist talking on the same subject. Credibility in the eyes of the audience is important to invite active listening and positive response. A speaker who adapts anecdotes and projects it as his own personal experience will instantly lose credibility once the truth comes to light. It can affect the speaker’s personality. Honesty communicates credibility while liars lie low in the audience’s judgment. Addressing a medical conference of scientists, a lady opened the speech saying “I am a 32-year-old wife and mother of two. I have AIDS. Please work fast”. She instantly received a standing ovation at the conference. Your appearance, manner of delivery, your response to questions, the examples you cite etc can add or deduct your credibility.
Half a Day
Half a day
By Naguib Mahfouz
Introduction
Every now and then one encounters a story that leaves an indelible impression long after it is read. I read this short short story written by Naguib Mahfouz shortly after his winning the Nobel Prize for literature. I was enamoured by its rich and ornate style, its narrative technique, universal theme and dramatic ending. Quite recently, I suggested a speaker to present it as a monodrama in a Toastmasters meeting and it was well-received by the audience.
Egyptian writer Mahfouz is the only Nobel Laureate in Arabic Literature. I had the delight to visit the Naguib Mahfouz Cafe (Earlier known as Fishawy’s Cafe in Khan Al Khalili market, one of the most ancient surviving markets in the World) during my visit to Egypt in 2007. Naguib used to write many parts of his Cairo Trilogy in a special place in this cafe. In his 33 novels, including his masterpiece, “The Cairo Trilogy”; his 16 short story collections; 30 screenplays; and several plays he invented a vast human comedy populated by the inhabitants of Cairo’s sprawling metropolis whose lives embodied the history of his country: wily shopkeepers and heartless bureaucrats, wheedling beggars, voluptuous women, whores and holy men, desperate parents and starving students. Mahfouz passed away in 2006.
Story
I proceeded alongside my father, clutching his right hand, running to keep up with the long strides he was taking. All my clothes were new: the black shoes, the green school uniform, and the red tarbush. My delight in my new clothes, however, was not altogether unmarred, for this was no feast day but the day on which I was to be cast into school for the first time.
My mother stood at the window watching our progress, and I would turn toward her from time to time, as tough appealing for help. We walked along a street lined with gardens; on both sides were extensive fields planted with crops, prickly pears, henna trees, and a few date palms.
“Why school?” I challenged my father openly. “I shall never do anything to annoy you.”
“I’m not punishing you,” he said, laughing. “School’s not a punishment. It’s the factory that makes useful men out of boys. Don’t you want to be like your father and brothers?”
I was not convinced. I did not believe there was really any good to be had in tearing me away from the intimacy of my home and throwing me into this building that stood at the end of the road like some huge, high-walled fortress, exceedingly stern and grim.
When we arrived at the gate we could see the courtyard, vast and crammed full of boys and girls. “Go in by yourself,” said my father, “and join them. Put a smile on your face and be a good example to others.”
I hesitated and clung to his hand, but he gently pushed me from him. “Be a man,” he said. “Today you truly begin life. You will find me waiting for you when it’s time to leave.”
I took a few steps, then stopped and looked but saw nothing. Then the faces of boys and girls came into view. I did not know a single one of them, and none of them knew me. I felt I was a stranger who had lost his way. But glances of curiosity were directed toward me, and one boy approached and asked, “Who brought you?”
“My father,” I whispered.
“My father’s dead,” he said quite simply.
I did not know what to say. The gate was closed, letting out a pitiable screech. Some of the children burst into tears. The bell rang. A lady came along, followed by a group of men. The men began sorting us into ranks. We were formed into an intricate pattern in the great courtyard surrounded on three sides by high buildings of several floors; from each floor we were overlooked by a long balcony roofed in wood.
“This is your new home,” said the woman. “Here too there are mothers and fathers. Here there is everything that is enjoyable and beneficial to knowledge and religion. Dry your tears and face life joyfully.”
We submitted to the facts, and this submission brought a sort of contentment. Living beings were drawn to other living beings, and from the first moments my heart made friends with such boys as were to be my friends and fell in love with such girls as I was to be in love with, so that it seemed my misgivings had had no basis. I had never imagined school would have this rich variety. We played all sorts of different games: swings, the vaulting horse, ball games. In the music room we chanted our first songs. We also had our first introduction to language. We saw a globe of the Earth, which revolved and showed the various continents and countries. We started learning the numbers. The story of the Creator of the Universe was read to us, we were told of His present world and of His Hereafter, and we heard examples of what He said. We ate delicious food, took a little nap, and woke up to go on with friendship and love, play and learning.
As our path revealed itself to us, however, we did not find it as totally sweet and unclouded as we had presumed. Dust-laden winds and unexpected accidents came about suddenly, so we had to be watchful, at the ready and very patient. It was not all a matter of playing and fooling around. Rivalries could bring pain and hatred or give rise to fighting. And while the lady would sometimes smile, she would often scowl and scold. Even more frequently she would resort to physical punishment.
In addition, the time for changing one’s mind was over and gone and there was no question of ever returning to the paradise of home. Nothing lay ahead of us but exertion, struggle, and perseverance. Those who were able took advantage of the opportunities for success and happiness that presented themselves amid the worries.
The bell rang announcing the passing of the day and the end of work. The throngs of children rushed toward the gate, which was opened again. I bade farewell to friends and sweethearts and passed through the gate. I peered around but found no trace of my father, who had promised to be there. I stepped aside to wait. When I had waited for a long time without avail, I decided to return home by my own. After I had taken a few steps, a middle-aged man passed by, and I realized at once that I knew him. He came toward me, smiling, and shook me by the hand, saying, “It’s a long time since we last met – how are you?”
With a nod of my head, I agreed with him and in turn asked, “And you, how are you?”
“As you can see, not all that good, the Almighty be praised!”
Again he shook me by the hand and went off. I preceded a few steps, and then came to a startled halt. Good Lord! Where was the street lined with gardens? Where had it disappeared to? When did all these vehicles invade it? And when did all these hordes of humanity come to rest upon its surface? How did these hills of refuse come to cover its sides? And where were the fields that bordered it? High buildings had taken over, the street surged with children, and disturbing noises shook the air. At various points stood conjurers showing off their tricks and making snakes appear from baskets. Then there was a band announcing the opening of a circus, with clowns and weight lifters walking in front. A line of trucks carrying central security troops crawled majestically by. The siren of a fire engine shrieked, and it was not clear how the vehicle would cleave its way to reach the blazing fire. A battle raged between a taxi driver and his passenger, while the passenger’s wife called out for help and no one answered. Good God! I was in a daze. My head spun. I almost went crazy. How could all this have happened in half a day, between early morning and sunset? I would find the answer at home with my father. But where was my home? I could see only tall buildings and hordes of people. I hastened on to the crossroads between the gardens and Abou Khoda. I had to cross Abou Khoda to reach my house, but the stream of cars would not let up. The fire engine’s siren was shrieking at full pitch as it moved at a snail’s pace, and I said to myself, “Let the fire take its pleasure in what it consumes.”
Extremely irritated, I wondered when I would be able to cross. I stood there a long time, until the young lad employed at the ironing shop on the corner came up to me. He stretched out his arm and said gallantly, “Grandpa, let me take you across.”
Tarbush: red hat similar to the fez worn especially by Muslim men
Post Script:
Time is telescoped into a morning’s walk, the first day in the school, and the return journey home. To Mahfouz, our entire life can be condensed into just ‘Half a Day” in the school of life, from sunrise to sunset. Everything you learn in school repeats in life as well (Learning to work, love, play, obey rules, break rules). Being a follower of Bergson’s philosophy Mahfouz has made a stunning masterwork on ‘Time’, both lived and straight. The narrator emerges from the gates of the school oblivious that his entire life has passed, and that he is now no longer a young boy but an old man. Life is a tragedy.
It is a gentle story tinged with nostalgia for time irrecoverable.
A Life That Makes a Difference
Not many people have heard of Bill Havens. But Bill became an unlikely hero of sorts – at least among those who knew him best. Here is his story: At the 1924 Olympic games in Paris, the sport of canoe racing was added to the list of international competitions. The favorite team in the four-man canoe race was the United States team. One member of that team was a young man by the name of Bill Havens. As the time for the Olympics neared, it became clear that Bill’s wife would give birth to their first child about the time that the US team would be competing in the Paris games.
In 1924 there were no jet airliners from Paris to the United States, only slow ocean-going ships. And so Bill found himself in a dilemma. Should he go to Paris and risk not being at his wife’s side when their baby was born? Or should he withdraw from the team and remain with his family? Bill’s wife insisted that he go to Paris. After all, competing in the Olympics was the culmination of a life-long dream. But Bill felt conflicted and, after much soul-searching, decided to withdraw from the competition and remain home where he could support his wife when the child arrived. He considered being at her side his highest priority – even higher than going to Paris to fulfill his dream. As it turned out, the United States four-man canoe team won the gold medal in Paris. And Bill’s wife was late in giving birth to their child. She was so late, in fact, that Bill could have competed in the event and returned home in time to be with her when she gave birth. People said, “What a shame.” But Bill said he had no regrets. For the rest of his life, he believed he had made the better decision. Bill Havens knew what was most important to him. Not everybody figures that out. And he acted on what he believed was best. Not everybody has the strength of character to say no to something he or she truly wants in order to say yes to something that truly matters. But for Bill, it was the only way to peace; the only way to no regrets.
There is an interesting sequel to the story of Bill Havens. The child eventually born to Bill and his wife was a boy, whom they named Frank. Twenty-eight years later, in 1952, Bill received a cablegram from Frank. It was sent from Helsinki, Finland, where the 1952 Olympics were being held. The cablegram read:
” ‘Dear Dad, Thanks for waiting around for me to get born in 1924. I’m coming
home with the gold medal you should have won.’ It was signed, ‘Your loving
son, Frank.’ Frank Havens had just won the gold medal in the singles 10,000
meters canoeing event.”
Frank Havens had just won the gold medal for the United States in the canoe-racing event, a medal his father had dreamed of winning but never did. Frank Havens remains the only American Olympic gold medal winner in a singles
canoeing event.
Thomas Kinkade eloquently said, “When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter… then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor.”
Tribute to Dog
TRIBUTE TO THE DOG
Introduction
At the end of the last millennium, New York Times requested eminent people around the world to name what they felt as the best of the millennium in the fields of art, music, literature, science etc. William Safire, their columnist, and former speech writer of President Nixon was asked to cite the best speech of his choice. Safire selected the following speech that Graham Vest delivered in a court.
George Graham Vest, a member of the Confederate Congress during the Civil War, was an accomplished debater from Missouri and served as its Senator from 1879 to 1903. Vest was representing a plaintiff who sued a neighbour for the killing of his dog. He paid little attention to his own client’s charges or to the testimony of the defendant; instead, he waited for his turn to address the jury and won the case unfairly by wringing the jury’s heart with an emotional evocation of the fidelity of dogs in general.
Swallow hard and read it aloud, standing up, to your family; there won’t be a dry eye in the house. A cooler Third Millennium may dismiss Senator Vest’s”Tribute to the Dog” as a sentimental tearjerker. But public speakers would be ready to lick the orator’s hand. The final paragraph is hearts and flowers. Keep your handkerchief handy!
THE SPEECH
GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY: The best friend a man has in the world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name may become traitors to their faith. The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most. A man’s reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads.
The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog. A man’s dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer; he will lick the wounds and sores that come in an encounter with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings, and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.
If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him, to guard him against danger, to fight against his enemies. And when the last scene of all comes, and death takes his master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by the graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad, but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even in death.
(The picture is the scene of an accident where a dog devotedly guarding the dead master can be seen)
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